Painful Love
by mylittlelifedoesntcountatall
Summary: Insecure, bitter, angry, hurt, overwhelmed, lonely, depressed, out of control, lost, ugly, suicidal, selfish, anxious, cutter, ignored, fat, vindictive, mentally ill, scarred, in pain, a liar, an addict, a no one, nothing. Four wrestlers. Four lives. Here are their stories. Warning: contains self-harm, starving, mild violence and character death. Aj/Punk. Brie/Daniel. Seth/Dean.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay Dokay, I'm starting a new story! I hope you like it! This first chapter is short and kinda shitty but I have great plans for this!**

* * *

Aj Lee collapsed on her bed in the hotel room, sighing to herself. She was alone, as usual, since none of the other divas liked her, and she didn't think it would be a great idea to room with a boy, since Phil would probably find out. Someone would tell him.

She sighed again as she pulled out her phone. It wasn't that she minded not rooming with anyone-she preferred being alone anyway- but it would've been nice to have a friend. Or at least someone to talk to you. All the others pretty much ignored her backstage, unless they needed her for something. Times like this was when she missed Kaitlyn the most. Yeah, she could be seriously annoying and unbelievably competitive and often failed to realise the difference between storyline and real life, but Kaitlyn had always been there for her when she needed a friend. It wasn't until Kaitlyn left that Aj really realised she had no other friends.

It had been fine when Phil was there; she'd just hung out with him most of the time. But since he had left, she'd had no one. She'd resorted to just staying in the divas' locker room most of the time, and leaving as soon as she'd finished her bit.

She glanced at her divas' championship, which was lying on the floor next to the bed. Though she knew she'd won it in a storyline, she was still proud of it, and it broke her heart to think she'd be losing it. On Raw. Not even a pay-per-view. Turns out she wouldn't get her Wrestlemania moment after all. Instead, Natalya, who was winning the belt from Aj, would defend it against Nikki Bella and Naomi in a triple threat match. There was no definite plan yet, but so far they were planning on having a lot of triple threat matches. Batista vs. Randy vs. Daniel. Dean vs. Seth vs. Roman. Big E vs. Jack Swagger vs. Cesaro. And of course, Nikki vs. Naomi vs. Natalya.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't that she minded losing to Natalya, in fact, if she had to pick someone to lose to it would be Natalya, as she felt she deserved it most. But why couldn't she get her Wrestlemania moment? She'd waited her whole life for this, and she thought she'd finally get it, but then, no, it had been dragged from her fingertips right in front of her eyes. There was nothing she could do about it either.

She clicked on a Bleacher Report article with the Main Event results. She scrolled down and smiled slightly as she saw hers and Natalya's match had gotten a grade A, and again when the writer said their match was the 'best of the night'. They had finally gotten to show off their skill, and it was nice to get some recognition for it. She clicked the comments button, and her smile grew bigger when she saw the top comment.

'Aj is amazing. Her in-ring skills, her ability on the mic, she's the best divas champ in years, and her match tonight was proof of that.'

Her smile faltered slightly as she read the first reply.

'I agree. Shame she's gonna lose the belt soon.'

Her smile completely disappeared after the next one.

'The only reason she had the belt in the first place was because of Punk. Now he's gone, she's gonna lose it quick.'

It felt like her insides had turned to lead. She hated seeing stuff like that, because it was unfair and just plain rude. Still though, she had gotten the belt around the time she started going out with Phil. But no. Phil wouldn't do that. He believed in doing things the right way, in earning what you got, and working hard to get what you wanted. But... Maybe he had said something. He might've thought it would make her happy, which admittedly it did, but she wanted to deserve it. Maybe she didn't deserve it.

She felt a slight tingle in her wrists, and her razor in the bathroom seemed to call out to her. But, no. She couldn't do that. Not anymore. She'd stopped, and she'd promised Phil she'd stop. But it would help. It always did. And before she could argue with herself anymore, she felt her legs walking to the bathroom, and her shaking hands picking up the razor.

Slash,

_'The only reason she had the belt in the first place was because of Punk.'_

Slash,

_"You're losing the belt next week to Natalya."_

Slash,

_Nikki 'accidentally' crashing into her._

Slash,

_Aksana and Alicia Fox muttering to each other and pointing at her._

Slash,

_'Rumours of Former WWE superstar CM Punk going out with Former WWE Diva Lita.'_

Slash,

'_Filthy whore'_

Slash,

'_Slept her way to the top.'_

Slash,

'_Doesn't deserve it. Doesn't deserve anything.' _Maybe she didn't deserve anything.

Staring down at her bloody wrists, she realised she didn't deserve anything. If she couldn't even handle one piece of critiscm, she didn't deserve to be champ after all...

* * *

"Look, Dean, you've had enough,"

"Fuck you, Seth," Dean answered, as he defiantly took another swig out of the bottle.

"Come on, Dean, please," Seth pleaded, trying to pry the bottle from Dean's grasp.

"Life's a bitch. Drinking helps," Dean muttered.

"Fine, whatever, fuck this," Seth said, standing up.

"Seth," Dean mumbled.

"What?"

"Wait for me," And Seth smiled.

"Knew you'd come round," he muttered, as he helped Dean stagger into their bedroom.

* * *

Brie Bella stared at her naked reflection in the mirror. She could almost swear she'd put on wait since yesterday. Her thighs especially were looking chubbier than they had the day before. It was Daniel's fucking fault. He'd made her eat the Chicken Caesar salad earlier on, and now look at the state of her.

She sighed, and put on her pyjamas. There was nothing she could do about it know. She'd just have to be really careful about what she ate tomorrow. She made her way into the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. She had developed a spot on her chin, and had convinced herself this morning that it wasn't that noticeable, but it was fucking humongous. And bright red too. No amount of make-up would cover that up.

After brushing her teeth and hair, she walked out of the bathroom to find Nikki lying on her bed.

"Hey,"

"Hey,"

And that was the end of their conversation. Despite being twins, lately the two hadn't been too close. Not that they'd ever let anyone know. They acted like everything was fine in front of people, like they were best friends in front of the cameras. Brie didn't mind. She was good at pretending things were okay when they weren't.

She lay down on her bed and pulled out her phone. She texted Daniel saying goodnight, and then went onto Instagram. Lazily scrolling through her feed, she smiled when she saw Nikki had posted a picture of them. Maybe they were closer than she thought. And then her smile disappeared when she read the most recent comment.

'I can't believe Nikki would post this. Brie looks awful.'

She fell asleep half an hour later with the comment circling round in her head.

* * *

Seth woke up two hours later, at around half three, to find Dean was no longer in his bed. Seth cursed quietly. He'd waited for Dean to go to sleep before he drifted off himself, but Dean had obviously woken up and snuck out. Seth sighed. Dean was getting worse and worse each day, and there was nothing he could do to help him.

If he told Vince, Dean would surely be fired, or at least suspended.

If he told Roman, he would insist they told Vince, and then Dean would be gone.

If he tried to get Dean to attend an AA meeting, Dean would just get pissed and stop talking to him.

So he just had to try and survive each day, let Dean drink a bit and then try to stop him, and just make sure Dean never did anything stupid, like drive while he was drunk. He made sure to not let Dean drink anything a few hours before each of their shows, but he wasn't sure how much longer they would last until someone found out.

He sighed. His dad had been a drunk, and after he left his mother had said to him and his brother: 'Never fall in love with a drunk, they'll take your life away from you,". And he and his brother agreed they never would. But now look at him.

He ran his hand threw his hair and sat down on the couch. Another night of his life devoted to waiting up for Dean to get home.

* * *

** Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!**

**Ciara x**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, here is chapter two! Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed & favourited, it means a lot to me. I actually have really great plans for this story so Thank you all for reading! **

**This chapter is really really short, but I don't know I kinda like it. So anyway here It is. **

* * *

Aj stormed backstage, her whole body shaking. She half-heartedly congratulated Natalya, before racing off in the other direction. She couldn't bear to go back to the dressing room now, not when all the other divas would be congratulating Natalya and fake smiling and pretending they all liked each other when it was common knowledge that they didn't. She didn't think she'd be able for it, not tonight.

So she walked around the building, still in her ring attire, until she found a completely deserted corridor. She slumped down against the wall, and began to sob quietly, but no tears would come out. She couldn't even cry properly.

She beat balled fists against her thighs, and cursed herself for everything it was worth. Phil had promised he would call her before her match, but she'd waited and he never had. He was probably with Lita. They were spending a lot of time together lately. She screamed, her small frame shaking with rage.

"Um.. Aj, you okay?" Aj looked up to see Seth Rollins standing against the wall opposite her. Embarrassed, she quickly rubbed her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled. "Just pissed about losing the belt, I guess,"

Seth smiled, and she knew he didn't believe her. "Well," he said, sitting down, "You didn't seem too fine a second ago. And, to be perfectly honest, I don't think you're the type of person to cry over a storyline. So, what's up?"

"I could ask you the same question. Why are you here? What are your problems?" Aj finally looked him in the eye.

"Don't have any." He smiled. "I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend,"

"The Fault in Our Stars," Aj said, and Seth smiled.

"Yep. How'd you know?"

"Well, I do read from time to time," she said, and Seth laughed. "And that's bullshit, you know. 'Bout you not having any problems. Everyone has problems."

"I 'spose you're right," he said. He exhaled for a long time. "So, my problems, well let's see. I'm in love with my best friend, but he's so completely fucked up he doesn't even realise. He's drunk like 90% of the time, and there's absolutely nothing I can do to help him. He's a complete and utter dick, but for some reason I can't hate him. I spend the majority of my time watching over him, making sure he doesn't do something stupid and get himself killed. So yeah, my problems pretty much centre around him,"

Aj sighed. "You love your crooked neighbour, with all your crooked heart,"

Seth smiled. "Auden,"

"How'd you know that?"

"Well, I do read from time to time," he said, and Aj smiled.

"But poetry, Rollins, really? Didn't have you down as the type."

"I did a project on him for school." He admitted, with a shrug. "So I told you my problems, well problem really, but anyway, what are yours?"

She just shrugged. "It helps to talk about them," he said.

"It's nothing," she sighed, standing up and walking away, leaving Seth sitting by himself in the hallway, wondering what he'd done wrong.

He couldn't do anything right.

* * *

Brie Bella lurched over the toilet, her whole body shaking. She had been forced to eat a huge slice of cake to celebrate Natalya's win (and the belt finally being taken off that skank, as Nikki put it). She stuck her shaking fingers down her throat, and threw up in the toilet. Nikki's fault. Making her eat. Making her fat. Everyone wanted to make her fat.

She sighed, and stuck her fingers down her throat again.

* * *

Dean Ambrose sat by himself in the car park, a bottle of beer in his hands. Somewhere deep down he knew he shouldn't be drinking, but Seth had disappeared and there was no one to stop him so why not? Shaking hands, he took another swig, drinking until the bottle was empty. Fuck, he was gonna get fired. Just another thing in his life he'd fucked up. He lay down, hoping for a car to come roll him over. Life would be better for everyone.

The car never came, but Seth did. "Fuck, Dean, is that you?"

Dean didn't bother to reply. Seth was by his side almost immediately. "Dean, fuck, we have a match tonight."

"I know, I know, I just..." Dean sighed. "Just needed a drink,"

"Fuck's sake, Dean," Seth ran his fingers through his hair. "I'll just, I'll tell 'em you're sick. You're sick and can't wrestle." He stood up and helped Dean to his feet. "Just, you wait here, okay? Wait in our car," He said, fumbling around in his pockets for the keys.

He helped Dean into the car, and Dean lay down in the back seat. "Don't do anything stupid," Seth muttered, as he locked the car.

Dean fell asleep hoping he'd never wake up.

* * *

Aj cried alone to herself that night, quiet tearless sobs. Her pillow was wet, but she just couldn't cry anymore. She had a pounding headache that no amount of pills would cure. So she cried until she could cry no more, and tried to fall asleep. The monsters couldn't get her in her sleep.

But she couldn't sleep. She could never sleep. So she picked up her phone to see she had a new text. She opened it, hoping it would be Phil apologising about forgetting to call her earlier. She sighed when she saw it was an unknown number. She should've known better. Phil had never apologised to her, not once.

She opened the text.

_'You're nothing more than a useless whore,'_

She realised right then she was useless. What did she actually ever do for anyone? Even Seth today, who'd been so nice and she'd turned him away like the heartless bitch she was. No wonder no one liked her. Even Phil, her boyfriend, hadn't contacted her in nearly a week. He'd obviously had enough of her. Everyone had had enough of her.

Everyone would be happier if she was dead.

* * *

** So, what did you think? Love you all! Favourite follow and review**

**Ciara x**


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